Dad, how do I even begin? well for starters I may have had a few cans and be tipsy hence having the courage to properly write my feelings... I just miss you so much its unreal it still doesn't feel like you aren't here anymore like I feel your presence every single day I just don't see or hear you... things have been tough lately and I'm being tested baby Jacob John is amazing and William is still amazing but has a right little attitude now and Phil is working full time so I'm having to manage alone but I am managing but I sit and think of William and Jacob and I keep thinking how if you were still here right now you would be here helping me and spending lots of quality time with your grandsons it hurts me so much that you never got to meet Jacob but you kind of did when he was a bump you heard his heartbeat ect which no one else other than me and Phil did and I know you will be watching over them and watching over me but it doesn't make me miss you any less I still look at your chair and I still feel you sitting there. why did it have to be you dad? it could of been any evil person on this planet but no I guess it's true what they say only the best.... I just hope you know I love you so much and feel so guilty you asked us to let you get christmas over with first but we told you that you might not meet Jacob if you didn't go to hospital and you never got to anyway but I'm glad that I atleast got you there so they could try everything. it just doesn't feel right that the person we were closest too isn't here with us now. just know we all love and miss you so so much.